“Men are Pigs.” “You guys are only there for cheap sex.” These, among other things, are often said by people who have no idea why someone would move 8,000 miles away from home. And it certainly isn’t “cheap sex” at $1,500 round trip airfare! There are places much closer to home for that. There is no denying that there is a booming, worldwide, sex tourism business. Not just Asia but parts of Europe, and South America are also big draws for what has been called “sexpats”. I, on the other hand, am an expat. I moved over to the Philippines, got a girlfriend – yes, just one – and live happily with her. I am not even on the right island for the girlie bars. But I was not looking for a partying retirement. It is too expensive, and quite frankly too tiring ha ha. But unfortunately many of us are lumped into one, evil, group by people who know nothing about us or our situation. They see all of us as sex starved, bitter, old men who could not get a girlfriend back home. Well there are certainly some of those guys here, but not as many as rumors say there are. All of the guys I know that live over here are married or in a committed relationship. I get a bit upset when we go to the mall and some older Filipino lady looks at me, my girlfriend, and her cousin with glaring looks. They stare and you can see the disapproval in their eyes. Like I am a dirty old man, and my girlfriend & her cousin are my whores. What we are is a family. Yes I am 49, my girlfriend is 25, and her cousin is 30, but we are out as a family not a harem.
I try not to let it bother me but sometimes you want to reach out and slap someone (but I know better). They are judgmental, hate filled people, and not my problem. Also I don’t want to admit it but there is some reasoning to their prejudice. Many prejudices are there for a reason! So I try to ignore them, and I’m glad I cannot understand their language so I don’t have to listen to their shit.
Someone posted an interesting video on an expat forum I frequent. It was not his video but he found it interesting. I viewed it and thought it was pretty good too and would like to discuss it. The YouTube video is called: “Western Women on Khao San Road Speak Out About Thailand’s Sex Tourists”. A woman is interviewing some western women in Thailand. Most of the statements are what you expect of them, but what surprised me the most was the comment section. I know… don’t read YouTube comments. But this only had one troll that I saw and everyone else was having a civil conversation. Shocking! I am going to share the video, and links to the original website that posted it. I will discuss the women’s statements from the video, and will address some of the comments made. You should watch the 7 minute video real quick, then let’s talk about it.
Posted by: http://www.youtube.com/user/ThaiLawForum from: http://www.thailawforum.com
First, I was impressed that the interviewer, Alison, was careful not to take a stand or lead with inflammatory questions. During one segment she even commented on the difference between sexpats, and expats. That is already better treatment than usually expected from one of these videos.
The first woman interviewed tried to use every buzzword she knew. She even brought up buying an internet bride – which shows how little she knows about the subject. The guys are all “old, ugly, western guys”. Which sounds funny coming from an old, ugly, western woman! Oh, sorry, was that rude? Yes. Yes it was. She did make a valid point about white guys being a status symbol, or giving the women more freedom. She mentioned young Japanese women with old, ugly, western guys. The men are taking advantage of the women. But if she understood the exchange rates she would know most western guys don’t have as much money as Japanese guys. That is an expensive country to live in. So they are not going after the money, like in some countries. So maybe there is a status thing going on. Or maybe, just maybe, the women are in love with a western man. It is within the realm of possibility. She also got another segment at the end of the video where she continued her idiocy. She blames it all on the men because women are subservient and the western men take advantage of that. Subservient, really? She has obviously never been in a relationship with an Asian woman. While they do tend to treat their men well, and take good care of them, they certainly do not do anything they don’t want to do. They are feminine – not slaves.
The 2nd woman made the most sense of them all. So I am going to skip over her for now. I want to keep on one thought, and the later women fit with the first one.
The 3rd group was 2 women that made the least amount of sense of the lot. First they said it is wrong for the men to come take advantage of poor Thai women. Then they said the men did not pay enough once you convert it to their currency. So does that mean if you pay them more, buying sexual favors is ok? I am confused. I cannot say for sure about Thailand but I do know that in the Philippines the bar girls get paid as much in one day as most people make in a week at a “regular” job. And I think the pay structure is about the same in Thailand. So according to these ladies it must be ok. They really just seemed concerned about the amount paid?
The 4th woman made some sense. She felt it was kind of sad that men felt the need to come get women that just want them for their money, but even if they were what she called desperate they seemed happy. I think that raises the question why do the men want to come over here? Is there something lacking in the relationships with western women? Or are there really so many desperate men that just can’t get a woman back home? She raised some questions but gave no answers or comments other than “desperate but happy”.
The 5th woman interviewed just went on about how much the men and women will miss out on having a real relationship. But if we are talking about marrying an Asian woman, not just bar hopping, then it makes no sense. You can have a real relationship over here with a woman just like in any country. Unless she means you can only have a “real” relationship within your own culture? She said not only the western men, but the Thai women were missing out. So she is just confused, I think.
Now back to the 2nd woman interviewed. She said she started looking and saw a lot differences between Asian and western women. She said the west pushes for equal rights, manly women, who forgot how to be feminine. The Asians, she said, are calm and feminine. The western men seem to prefer the way Asian women behave. She could have said the same thing in a very negative way – but her choice of words makes her look like a thoughtful, well spoken, woman. She would probably be ok to date! (she is too tall and white for my tastes, but you know what I mean). What she is saying kind of ties in with the 4th & 5th women. There is something different about the way men and women relate to each other in various countries.
Of course it could be that there is something we like about Asian women – and they like something about western guys. There are a lot of cultural differences. Reminds me of something a friend at work told me. He is Mexican and said his mom told him to marry a Mexican woman because she would take good care of him. And told her daughter to marry an American man because he would take good care of her. Slightly prejudiced – but some cultural truths in there.
I want to put up some of the comments from the YouTube video. As I said I know not to read comments over there but sometimes you cannot help it. And I was surprised most comments were not that bad. Some were rude – both sides – for and against expats or sexpats. But most comments really were pretty good. Some of these guys do seem to hold some hostility – but that is common on internet comments isn’t it?
Here is a sample of some of the conversation:
|Because its much cheaper to buy a prostitute in Thailand then back in the West, why else? A poor western man can feel like a rich stud in Thailand and pretend these women love them.|
|These women were there buying cheap stuff made by the locals and were alone or with their girlfriends instead of having a man – they don’t have a man because …|
|no point YOU trying to explain it to me. I live here in Thailand with a Thai lady so I know what is truth and what is feminist lies or NGO propaganda trying to get donations. Naturally women back in the west are hurting. Feminism has made them undesirable for many men, so they struggle to get one, the paid 4 sex industry also threats them because men can get sex without commitment or even the BS of dating. Without a pussy women really have nothing much else to bring to the table that men want.|
|I think that western women seek basically one thing…money, with guarantees, whereas the Thai women are seeking some sense of love with fewer benefits…|
|Western Women are failing to foreign women. They are realizing now that they aren’t that great after all and have ruined the dating scene for men.|
|Interesting video, nice to see a range of opinions. I appreciated the one lady at 1:30 who took a deeper more open minded look at it. I think some guys must be looking for something they are not finding at home, while others are immature fiends.|
|It’s undeniable the age of marriage is rising in the western world, the divorce rate increasing, and the number of single mothers/parents increasing. It is understandable anyone (male or female) wants to escape or look for greener grass somewhere else.|
|Just because some men pay for sex that does not indicate they are exploiting these girls, far from it. It’s a willing trade with both sides happy seems the only people not happy are the lonely white cunts, I love that part and I will continue to sink the boot into white women xxx|
|They are mostly from the poorer areas however not in poverty, plenty of work, hard farm work in the fields, exactly they are not forced into it and many don’t CHOOSE to do it, and some DO CHOOSE to do it and they make ten times the average income of a Thai in this Industry. It’s not sad, it’s a choice, its life, prostitution is a legitimate industry worldwide, people have the right to sell themselves and customers have the right to buy it. Sex is legal so it’s legal to sell.|
|Most of the Thai women that become prostitutes are dirt poor, coming from places like Isaan, and do it because of the shitty economy there. While many are not technically forced into prostitution its basically the only feasible way to raise a family, send your children to school and or support your extended family (very important in Thai culture.) It’s a very sad state of affairs, complex problem really.|
|These Thai women are sweet and fun to be with…Western women…not so much…|
|No I am the victim of a nation of prostitutes who call themselves mothers and wives…Say whatever you want but people like me have seen the light and we are offering help to other guys suffering from depression and other issues because of the western feminazi mentality.|
|dude i think i need to offer you advice and help you! You stick with Aussie women you will be used like a toilet seat..pls mate see the light again and go with a Asian woman that love and respects her parents and has culture and is interested in your interests and is appreciative of your efforts.. the way White women disrespect their own parents and elderly shows how they treat THEIR husbands partners FACT!|
I live in Iloilo where there is virtually no night life. All the expats I know are either married or living with a steady girlfriend. So I do see a different side of the story here. If I lived in Angeles City around all the girlie bars and vacationers I might have a different view. But I rarely see the sexpats around here. They would be bored here.
Honestly I came over here because I could quit working at 48 and afford to live here. If I stayed in the US I would have to work another 20 years at least, and my health is already failing. I am walking distance to a beach and a short bus ride to the mountains. The fact that the women over here are amazing and know how to treat a man is just gravy.
15 thoughts on “Men are pigs!”
I see a few of the guys from JGF forum have shown some interest in posts here.
Brett & Tim, my views are very similar to Brett, I could never have an association with a
Western woman again. I watched the video and it was exactly as I expected.
When I met my Filipino GF my life changed for the better and not by a little bit.
The reasons anybody goes abroad to get things they find harder to get at home is a very long list, perhaps as long as the number of people going. For sure there are guys who want to spend 9 days of a 2 week vacation reliving youthful experiences. For sure as well there are tones of guys who find the peace, the lack of a daily grind, of living in a place where working a daily job just does not make sense, and then find a partner to share that life.
In my 20 or so years that I called the Philippines my home, I met perhaps 4000 foreigners there. In my estimation perhaps 5% were there for a sexual product that was if not illegal, very rare in the places they were from. Another 60% or so were guys who were of a type that would make them poor choices for very attractive/smart women in their own country (insane, crippled, drunks, old age, personality disorders, religious nuts… like that). The rest are mostly guys who just sort of ended up there (met somebody, romantic idea of paradise retirement, charity work, actually have a job).
People who make judgments after just a few examples are generally ignorant, have their own agenda, or simply don’t care about what is the truth.
Bit of a late reply I know, but it’s so much more than the women etc. Anthony Bourdain sums it up nicely I think:
“I remember the moment I first realised I’d been living my whole life in black and white. It was like discovering a colour I never knew existed before, a whole new crayon box full of colours. That was it for me, from then on, there was no putting the pieces back together, no going home. Things were different now. Asia had ruined me for my old life. “
This applies to me too. I’ve spent years travelling around Asia and can’t wait to leave this society in the West behind.
My fiance, is Filipina with dual Australian/Philippine citizenship. I once asked her if she would ever want to live in Australia, or indeed, anywhere in the West again. Her reply was “Honey, why the hell would I want to live in any country where the things that don’t really matter in life mean so much to people?”.
So much for the stereotype of just wanting that residency in “x” country. I’ve found in all my years of travelling, and I hate to stereotype, that the vast majority of Asian women would much rather be close to their families than leave their respective countries.
It’s those attitudes that attract me to Filipinas. Yes, I do have a preference for shorter, dark haired women but it’s what’s in the heart that counts. I find more hearts closer to my own in Asia.
Financially for a change, my bank account allows me to follow my heart. Next year I’ll be 46 and retiring to Dumaguete (another area that has no sexpat scene but a very high expat population) to help the girl run our businesses there.
PS Tim, it’s Brett from “Tom’s” Forum, in case you hadn’t already guessed.
Who is tom? I suppose Johllygoodfellow has a real name – but I have never heard it….
I often wonder why Western men would emigrate to faraway places like the PI and leave the comforts of living in a first world country. Now that you have been in PI for more than a year, do you think it is worth it? Maybe for economic reasons, but is there something more? Could you not have moved to rural USA and have the same lifestyle that you have now or maybe bring your wife to the USA and live better. Just my 2 cents.
The whole culture is different here. I love Asia and the South Pacific. I just need more money so I can travel around the region more ha ha. It is certainly not for everyone but I love it. One of the poorest countries I have ever seen – but one of the happiest!
The Philippines can be pretty comfortable. True, sanitation, general safety (crime, roadway dangers, availability of first world medical care) are often greater problems than in the US. But, the ability to ignore things that are mandatory (car insurance, building codes,safe food preparation, quality clothing, entertainment choices) in the USA makes for a richer life, cheaper, abroad.
I spend a lot of my time in fear of police action (highway patrol, zoning or building violations, forced medical care) in the USA, never in the Philippines.
I am disabled, and that disability is as much a problem in my personal life as it was in my work life. I found it very hard to have friends in the USA. My income is too low for independent living in the USA. I never had a social worker suggest strongly that I give up my car, that I live with strangers, that I spend 4 days a week mostly walking to free meals, in the Philippines. In the Philippines you can have people to share your life, be friendly, for a $.35 beer. Nobody I ever met (locals) could see my mental disability, they figured inappropriate social responses as just part of being a foreigner.
In the Philippines the weather is always… easy.
My income is low enough that very few women indeed would consider me a choice to build a family with. Lots of women wanted for me to “date” them, but few wanted to risk their old age pension by marrying me. In the Philippines I had choices in women only a Mercedes and a house in the Hampton’s would tempt in the USA. Young, friendly, motivated, pretty, sexy and smart was where I started as minimums in my selection. I married vastly above my American station, twice, in the Philippines.
Funny how they call the men pigs but in appearance and attitude they act like pigs themselves.
Obviously most of these women interviewed have no idea what they are talking about. I wonder if they have even been to Thailand or even Asia at all? Here in Calbayog City there is not much of a night life either, but it’s a pretty decent place to retire to, especially with the progress it is making. I’ll admit it’s nice to go to places like Angeles and ‘look’, but my Filipina wife of 34 years probably would not like me to do more than that.
A lot are pigs, indeed especially in the US where women, from child to granny, will have to be on constant defensive mode in order not to be raped. Ultraconservative American men need to reform their masculine culture and stop calling men who do not attempt to dominate, do not threaten,do not justify any form of rape as “manginas”, sissies pussies, etc. And stop thinking that you are better than “Asian men”.
One thing I noticed about sexpats and grampas looking for “girlfriends” young enough to be their grandchild is that as they commodify Asian women, they berate non-[white] American men.
And it’s not an “Asian” thing, it’s more of a ‘developing country’ thing. You don’t see the feminine women from Japan, Korea, and Taiwan running after “grampa boyfriends”. If you see them with a Western man, they’re usually with a military dude, an real EXPAT (not retiring IMMIGRANTS who call themselves “expats”) or ESL teachers around their age. Once this countries get their economies together, there would be no demand for you.
Well you seem like you want to be an expert on both the US and expats. Makes me wonder what your background is. But seriously: “have to be on constant defensive mode in order not to be raped.” That is a pretty warped view of the US. And when did I say I was better than Asian men? You seem to be reading something into this that I did not write… are you a mind reader? Some guys might but I don’t.
Anyone that moves to another country is an expat. Not my definition – just the definition. But as far the older/younger bit goes, well it is true in any country. Hugh Hefner? Yeah… money helps. There is no denying that.
I am a white male,62 years old. have been married to a woman from mindanao. have a daughter 5 years old and have been married before 3 times. can take all 3 ex’s and they wouldn’t be no where near the woman i am married to now. I have been living in the philippines for almost 2 years. Love the country. Adjustments to be made YES! but i recently went back to the states and glad to be back in the philippines. Not much difference in philippines except for the cost of living. medical is cheaper here, yes they don’t have 7 story hospitals but are sufficent! as of now i won’t ever go baCK TO THE STATES!!
Be very careful suggesting that the medical care you can buy in the Philippines is in any way equal to what is available in the first world. There is zero oversight, zero recourse if they are just wrong. You, as a layman, go to a medical professional to get advise, so, if you go to a doctor you are admitting that you need information that you do not have. So, it is impossible for you to evaluate the quality of the advise you are getting, it’s overall net worth, it’s application to your body, the honesty of those giving that advise.
In a culture that “smart” people are the ones who take advantage of “ignorant’ people, what makes you think that medical professionals are exempt from what many of us would think as immoral?
“Honestly I came over here because I could quit working at 48 and afford to live here. If I stayed in the US I would have to work another 20 years at least, and my health is already failing. I am walking distance to a beach and a short bus ride to the mountains.”
I’m glad you were able to find these in the Phil. As I get closer to 50, I too will find it more difficult to support even a basic lifestyle here in the U.S. if I suddenly lose my current job and I’m already a six figure earner. So I’m also looking to the Phil to stretch our savings and get our kid through college if that happens. It’s sad you get to be judged unfairly while I will get a free pass for being a returning Filipino even though we have similar motivations. I hope you will continue to maintain your positive and carefree outlook as it sounds like you are a good fit to the local culture.
Incidentally, Iloilo currently is our top candidate for the lifestyle we want so I’m looking forward to reading more about your adventures there.
I have said that Iloilo is a good place to live, but I would not want to visit. So, yeah, it is a nice town. But not much if you want touristy stuff – which I do. I would rather be in Subic or Cebu.